it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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