i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How does one acquire holy water?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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