it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
