Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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