i jhust puked up my retainher.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
