I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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