My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
