AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
