I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
