before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
