You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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