I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
