I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
