just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
