Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
