Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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