dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
