I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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