Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
