we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
