is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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