what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
