Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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