Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
