I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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