I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
