It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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