Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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