So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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