my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
