He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
