everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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