But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
