Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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