you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
