im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
