worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
