She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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