you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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