i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
