I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He? As in you personified your dick?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
