She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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