I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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