shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
