Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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