I bet he comes in French.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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