There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
