You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
