Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
