Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
